Even though some of my mothering skills came naturally, like realizing I could nurse my newborn son, Conrad, while walking up the spiral staircase, my confidence as a new mom was hard-won.
I always assumed there was a book, or a gadget, or one of Angelina Jolie's nannies, who knew how to do everything better than I could.
Worse, I thought my lack of mothering-nerve was a blemish on the image of the perfect mom I wanted to be. (I hadn't yet realized that trying to be perfect was ridiculous.)
I kept my insecurities to myself and continued to shop for stuff I didn't need and buy tomes that were better used as stacking blocks.
Then I got a card from an older family friend, and all she wrote was this: "One day you will feel like you know what you're doing."
Six years, many mistakes, and another baby boy later, I do. But that card let me start to trust myself more every day. Parenting.com: Are you pregnant? 16 signs you might be
Well, dear reader, consider this your own card from an old friend. We've gathered the best, most ingenious it-worked-for-me tips from moms and childcare experts to help you sail, not sob, through all the small but significant day-to-day acts of being a mom. Confidence, here you come.
Three instant-soothers you can count on
1. Try the triple play
Rub lavender essential oil on the back of your neck for a calming scent (feel free to swipe your kid's Johnson & Johnson lotion). Then wrap your baby in a blanket and gently bounce on a fitness ball or the edge of the bed, suggests Jill Wodnick, a doula in Montclair, New Jersey, and mother of Nathaniel, 7, Sebastian, 4, and Emerson, 2.
2. Head to the loo
Need help fast? Run the bathroom fan and faucet. Low, droning noises remind your little one of hearing your heartbeat in utero, says Dr. Altmann, mother of Avrick, 4, and Collen, 2.
3. Create a toddler cocoon
"When toddlers throw tantrums, they often need to block out stimulation in order to calm down," says Corinne G. Catalano, school psychologist at the Ben Samuels Children's Center at Montclair State University.
So instead of picking up your tot, make a "cave" or cocoonlike space by throwing a blanket over a small table and allowing him to climb under it.
If you've got a pop-up kid tent, that will work, too. Give him his lovey and a pillow, and he'll have the soothing sanctuary he needs to regroup.
Help the medicine go down (or in)
Who hasn't squirted Motrin into her toddler's ear when he's putting up a feverish fight?
Take a cue from Mary Poppins and mix a dose of medicine with chocolate syrup, suggests Tanya Altmann, M.D., author of "Mommy Calls".
For toddlers and older babies on solid foods, medicine will seem like a treat!
Another option: Refrigerate OTC meds. Cold can mask the taste. For eyedrops, lay your baby on her back and put a toy on her belly so she'll look down.
If she's old enough to follow directions, just tell her to close her eyes. Place a drop on the inner corner of the eye, right by her nose. When she looks up or opens her eye, the drop will fall right in. (Works for drowsing pets, too!)
Ten things you never knew you could do with one hand
1. text-message
2. make spaghetti
3. feed a pet
4. wrap a present using a mini-shopping bag, tissue, and a stick-on bow
5. brush an older child's hair
6. fold baby clothes and put back in drawers
7. repot a plant
8. write thank-you notes
9. whip up a smoothie
10. tend to husband's personal needs (if you know what we mean)
Parenting.com: Healthy grab-and-go foods: No utensils needed!
Happier hair washing
Turn this often torturous process into something your toddler will look forward to: Treat her to a salon visit right in your own home, suggests Parenting Mom Squad expert Denene Millner, of Snellville, Georgia.
What to do:
1. Talk in a fancy voice and ask her to lie down on the kitchen counter, with her head hanging over the sink, just like she would if she were sitting in the shampoo chair at a salon.
2. Roll Up a towel and put it under her neck for support.
3. Let her lean back and enjoy. Use your fingers to give her a head massage while you shampoo.
4. Rinse, wrap hair up in a turban.
5. Accept kisses as tips.
Better bangs
The unfortunate hallmark of an at-home trim is poorly cut bangs. The secret? Don't cut them from ear to ear. Instead, trim them in from the outside edge of each eyebrow.
Car seats on the fly
Many a parent has suffered a long flight with a crying baby only to discover that she can't get the car seat out of the airplane seat.
Because airline seatbelts open with a pull lever, the belt can easily get wedged in the car-seat back once it has been tightened. If you can't pull the lever, well, you're stuck. Parenting.com: 10 superpowers of pregnant women
Avoid this problem with two solutions that are FAA compliant: Ask your airline attendant for a seat-belt extender, suggests Troy Lanier, coauthor of "DadLabs Guide to Fatherhood."
The extender attaches to and lengthens the belt so you can reach the buckle when deplaning. If you can't get their attention in time, simply turn the buckle over so that the clasp opens in a different direction. Parenting.com: Easy, do-anywhere Pilates moves
How to defuse road rage
We've all been there: You're making great time on a trip home from the mall and then, bam!, traffic. Your child, who was happy moving at 50 miles per hour, is hysterical when your speedometer drops below 10. Some quick tricks to avoid crying jags. Parenting.com: 30+ easy ways to pamper yourself
1. Turn on cool tunes
As soon as you see a stream of brake lights ahead, pop in a customized CD that sings your child's name in every stanza ($14.95 to $19.95; mymusiccd.com).
"When my girls hear their names in a song, they instantly stop crying," says Tomlin, who's the author of "Chaos 2 Calm: The Moms of Multiples' Guide to an Organized Family" and mom of 3-year-old twins, Peyton and Sydney.
2. Dial it in
Low-tone cell-phone ringtones can be calming, says Catalano. And that's why when Nancy Caron's 18-month-old son, Parker, is inconsolable, she whips out her cell phone and plays tones that are heavy on the drum and bass. (If she's in the driver's seat, she pulls over first!)
3. Stash some magnets
Dig out an old metal cake pan or small cookie sheet and load it up with large magnetic pictures or letters (they should be larger than 1¾ inches in diameter). The magic of magnetism can keep them entertained for hours (okay...many, many minutes).
Three nighttime tips
1. Think Big To avoid 2 a.m. diaper leaks, Brooke Harmon of Phoenix puts her son in a diaper one size up: "It absorbs all the pee and never makes a mess."
2. Go backward
Tonia Tomlin of Plano, Texas, got so tired of her twin daughters' late-night ritual of ripping off their pjs that she put their footless zip-up sleepers on backward.
3. Do diaper prep
Pre-fill newborn dipes with ointment before bed to save time during middle-of-the-night changes.
Better mothering through technology
Heather Gibbs Flett and Whitney Moss, authors of "The Rookie Mom's Handbook," offer up four ways to convert your iPhone into the ultimate mother's helper.
1. Make it a baby monitor
You're at a dinner party and are worried you won't hear your sleeping baby in your host's bedroom.
Download the application at codegoo.com/page/baby-monitor ($4.99), then stash your phone near the babe.
If he stirs, your phone will call a number you've chosen (e.g., Daddy's cell).
2. Let it lull
Download the white-noise ambient application ($1.99; tmsoft.com/iphone-whitenoise.html) and place the phone in your baby's car seat or stroller.
The app also offers a variety of sounds, including some as quietly calming as lapping waves and rain.
3. Turn it into a tracker
Log your baby's diaper changes and feedings with the applications at andesigned.net (99¢, $7.99).
Both store a history of your data, in case you need to share it with your doctor.
4. Have it wooo them download the wooo button
(iphoneappreviews.net/2008/08/01/wooo-button). It's simple: You press a button and a man shouts "Wooo!" Kids love it, and it's so harmlessly addictive that you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish!
Must-know multitasker
Now that you have a kid, you'll never get to go to the bathroom alone again. How to master the pee-and-feed with ease.
1. Wear elastic-waist pants or a comfy skirt you can lift with one hand.
2. Get the babe happily latched on.
3. Do your business.
4. Flush later -- no need to chance a startle.
Tasty teething trick
Frozen washcloths are great, but your baby may stay at it longer and get more relief if you add some flavor into the mix. Parenting.com: The REAL way to prep for breastfeeding
Try putting large chunks of these in a mesh teether:
Sour pickles (surprised? kids adore all things tangy)
Cool cucumbers
Sweet carrots
Stand-Up comedy (aka the vertical diaper change)
1. Wrap one arm around your child's belly to hold him still, then tear off the old dipe.
2. Ask him to touch his toes if he can, then use your free hand to wipe.
3. Place new diaper over the front of his body, push it through his legs, and then over his butt.
4.Secure tabs. Hike it up gently, then adjust tabs again if necessarySource
So much of the imagery surrounding modern parenthood is negative: endless drudgery, chaos, stress, clueless dads and harpy mums. Our childless friends ask us in wide-eyed horror if it’s really as bad as "they" say, and if so, why on earth would anyone have a child?
There is a better way, and Marc and Amy Vachon think they have found it. The Massachusetts couple has developed a parenting style they call "Equally Shared Parenting," or ESP for short. They share their ideas via a website, equallysharedparenting.com and a forthcoming book, Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents. In short, the philosophy behind ESP is that neither spouse acts as understudy or manager to the other, that both are equally competent and responsible in all areas of family life. "ESP couples feel that their lives are happiest if they can both spend about the same amount of time on average in paid work endeavours, in caring for their home, in taking care of their children, and in their own outside interests,?" says Amy Vachon.
Sounds good? We think so too. Here’s Marc and Amy’s suggestions for making such a life work:
It’s not about the laundry. Too often, both Marc and Amy say, people hear about the concept and immediately think it’s about getting a lazy dad to do more. "It’s not what we are saying at all," Marc Vachon says. "I presume (fathers) are working as much as their wives are, and there’s a need to reshuffle things and work as much as you’re working now, but get balance and equality back in your life. It’s so you can live in a place where you like your life, instead of trying to get through life."
For true equality, both of you work outside the home, in paid jobs. While the Vachons stress that the ESP model isn’t a the right answer for every family, it requires that the breadwinning burden is shared as much as all the other aspects of running a family. And there are benefits to that as well. For example, both Marc and Amy work part-time schedules and that allows them more time for everything; having just one of them be the breadwinner wouldn’t allow such flexibility. "Having Amy on board to solve the family breadwinning puzzle allows us to optimise our income and schedule instead of always trying to maximise our income," Marc says.
Look at the recession as an opportunity. While the conventional wisdom says "show up early, stay late, take on extra work" to prove your value to an employer, asking for more flexibility might actually be a good idea in these times, Amy says. Companies might not be able to offer raises, but they might jump at the chance to keep a valued employee at a reduced schedule — and corresponding salary cut. "If our companies are faced with a decision between layoffs and reducing employees hours, we might be able to jump at the chance to try out a new work schedule that could lead to an epiphany about the value of money versus time," Amy says.
Rethink what work means to you. Is it part of a balanced life, or is it at the center of your life? Marc Vachon actually stepped back from the career treadmill well before having kids, transitioning from engineering to an IT job and working a reduced schedule. He did so in order to have time to pursue his other interests and actually enjoy both his job and his life, a pattern that fit well once he and Amy married and their children came along. And while that means he’s unlikely to ever see the corner office and company car, he’s okay with that. "My educational background suggests that I could have chosen a steeper career trajectory with accompanying time commitments," he says, "but I don’t suspect it could have brought me any more joy."
Embrace your own competence as a person, partner and parent. That goes for both partners, and it’s key to the whole idea of equally shared parenting. If you trust your partner to handle things at home as well as you would, that means you can wander off for a bike ride or dance class without feeling guilty, especially since your partner will be getting the same freedom and accommodation of their interests as well. "Neither of us has to do any preparation in order to leave the house or the kids in the capable hands of our spouse, and therefore we are then able to concentrate on simply finding the time to get out," Amy says.
Communicate with each other and adjust if things are getting out of balance. Mark and Amy’s children are six and four years old, and the way they work things out now differs from the way they did it when their kids were young. "That first six months of babydom involves so much sleep deprivation and potential anxiety, and is often a set-up in our culture for women to take on the lion’s share of the caregiving, so we had to be pretty cognisant of staying the course," Amy says. Other times that have required a fair amount of communication and adjustment were a period of unemployment for Marc and currently, while they are writing their book about ESP. But equally shared parenting does not, alas, lead to a partnership and life blissfully free of conflict. "We have to deal with all the same stuff most couples have to deal with, Mark says. "Since we have a framework that we talk about so often, it forces us to talk about things instead of letting it simmer."
Perhaps most importantly, remember that you’re on the same team — something the traditional model of parenting, with its separate spheres for each spouse, does not emphasise. Part of what inspired them to come up with this model of parenting was the negative image of parenting in much of the literature. "Those mummy-misery books scared me, and at the same time made me angry because they never seemed to mention men," Amy says. "I realised that Marc’s role was entirely invisible in these angry depictions of the state of… motherhood, and I held onto the ideal of an equal partnership for dear life all through my first pregnancy."
At heart, Amy says, it’s that neither parent gets an exclusive hold on the "good stuff" — whether that be career satisfaction, time with the kids, or time to themselves. "ESP is not about scorekeeping or making sure the time comes out exactly even; rather, the couple is sustained by the idea that a happy partner makes for a happy relationship, which makes for a great life — and they want to make sure their partner gets his/her fair share of the fun."
Now that the warm weather is finally upon us, and our kids are out and about more, it is important to teach them some tips that will keep them safe. The following list came home recently in my middle-schooler's backpack, but I think it is worth repeating for all ages. And parents, let's try to remind our children that just because a grown up may be bigger than they are, it does not mean that they are smarter. Be careful and stay safe this summer!
1. ALWAYS let your parents know where you are when you are not at home. If you have a cell phone, use it.
2. DO NOT accept rides. DO keep walking or run if necessary.
3. NEVER walk alone, even during the day. DO try to use the buddy system when you go out, like walking with a friend.
4. DO NOT take short cuts or frequent secluded places. DO stay in well lit areas that are open and near other people.
5. DO stay alert to what is going on around you. Take note of your surroundings.
6. DO make a lot of noise if you are in trouble. DO NOT be afraid to yell, scream, or draw attention to yourself in an emergency. This is a way to let others know that you are in trouble and need help.
7. DO NOT talk to people who you do not know. You DO NOT have to be polite when someone is making you feel uncomfortable or not taking "NO" for an answer.
8. ALWAYS let someone know, like a parent, relative, police officer, or teacher, if someone has bothered or followed you. Try to get a description of the stranger or stranger's car.
9. DO NOT accept gifts from strangers. Walk away.
10. ALWAYS trust your instincts.
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Teenagers are facing the worst employment market in 60 years. Both full-time and part-time jobs are so scarce that many adults are now seeking work that used to be for teens.
On a positive note, there is a silver lining for those in college undergraduate programs, and especially for high school seniors just graduating: Their timing is perfect. Since there are very few opportunities to find good jobs for the next few years, stay in college. By the time the class of 2009 graduates from college, the economy will be stronger and possibly more vital than ever. You might even be recruited! Bide your time while collecting a degree or two.
Let the weak economy work to your advantage.
For parents strapped for money in the downturned economy, community colleges offer an excellent education for the first two years of college, and at a fraction of the cost of university courses.
California, for example, has 2 million students at 110 campuses. The cost is only $20 per unit.
Thanks to the parents who shared one of their kid tips with us this week.
STARTING A NEIGHBORHOOD BUSINESS -- Our twin boys are adults now, but when they were teenagers, they complained about never having enough money. So I came up with a plan, which they enthusiastically endorsed: I fronted the money for a drivable mower that also came equipped with a rototiller and a plow.
The three of us would be co-owners, so each boy owed me a third of the cost. The boys quickly had more than 20 customers per week (mowing and tilling in the summer, and snowplowing in the winter). They paid me back sooner than expected. As businessmen, they gained valuable experience working with adult customers, billing and budgeting their time and money. It was a great job, considering the alternative of working for minimum wage at a fast-food restaurant. Sometimes, parents need to invest their time, creativity and resources to help their kids get started in an activity. -- J. Rogers, Johnstown, Pa.
A BAND-AID -- INSIDE AND OUT -- So everyone (especially playmates) knows where the sore spot is, I put a Band-Aid on the outside of the clothing over the sore spot. -- D.M., Fremont
URINE CARPET STAINS -- I first learned this tip as a pet owner, but also found it useful as a mom of three children. Club soda works great for removing urine stains on carpets. First, blot up as much urine as possible. Pour club soda on the stain and let the bubbles do the work. Soak it up with a cloth or sponge, then rinse with plain water. -- B.W.M., Knoxville, Tenn.
"WE LIKE HOW OUR CHILDREN TURNED OUT" -- Parenting toddlers teaches you that you can't eat, sleep or go to the bathroom for your kids. Parenting teens teaches you that you can't succeed for them or do their hurting for them, either. Be very clear about who owns what dreams and whose problems are whose. Our sons are not turning out to be quite the people we expected, but they are turning out to be the people they are comfortable being. We've discovered that we like that -- and them -- a lot. -- J.G., Fairport, N.Y.
They say it take a village to raise a child. But they never usually talk about the fact that how that child is raised is sure to affect the entire village. As a parent, I have always disciplined my children in a way that was best for my family, but I never really thought before about the way my parenting style could potentially affect society as a whole. That is until I read Parenting for a Peaceful World, by Robin Grille, an interesting book that delves into how child-rearing customs have shaped societies and major world events. Parenting for a Peaceful World looks at how children adapt to different parenting styles and describes how these early experiences underpin the adults they become.
- The right to exist
- The right to need
- The right to have support
- The right to freedom
- The right to love
For each of these stages or "rites of passage," Grille writes about what is going on within the child at this time: developmental needs, emotional needs and learning skills, as well as "most-wounding" experiences, how experiences shape emotional makeup and beliefs, how emotional wounds affect behavior, and the social impact of wounds.
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Parenting is a process of bringing up the child. It is a method of growing a child with full love and care. This process of parenting starts right from the child’s childhood that is when they are the small babies. Thus it is known as baby parenting that is helping a baby to grow, develop with much needed love and affection.
Initially when your baby is small he may not jell with you properly due to various reasons. But not to worry you can adopt various steps to solve this problem. Some of the things that you can do as a part of baby parenting are as follows:
(1) Spend as much time as possible with your baby. This will help you to know the baby better and also the baby to know you. You may come across its various likes and dislikes which will help you to jell with the baby. Thus is a very important part of baby parenting.
(2) Take care of your baby’s needs and wishes that is whether he or she likes toys? Or whether he or she wants to sleep? Or whether he or she is hungry and requires something to eat? Looking after such questions will help you for the growth of baby.
(3) Do not pamper the baby a lot. Do complete the baby’s wish but only the one which are wanted and necessary. Otherwise there is a possibility of your baby being spoilt right from her childhood. Surely your baby will cry for that moments but it is good as compared to he or she being spoilt.
(4) Visit your doctor regularly. This will definitely help you to know your baby better. Doctors are the one who can tell the babies problem within no time. So they can help you a lot regarding various matters of your baby.
(5) Look after the baby very minutely. Always keep them under the microscope. Do not leave them only as they are still unaware about what is going on around them there is a possibility of they harming themselves. This will not keep the baby as well its parents to be happy as baby will cry if it hurts itself and the parents become very emotional when they see their baby crying.
(6) You can help your baby walk by using a crib but make sure that your baby likes it. Crib allows your baby to start learning walking at a relatively very young age. This is not a very essential part of baby parenting but it helps in the growth and development of the baby.
(7) Similarly taking your baby to a garden or somewhere else where the ambience is good will help your baby to know the outside world. This will also help the baby for its growth and development.
Thus you should remember one important point while dealing with various above points that you should always treat your baby with much needed love and care. This will always help your baby to grow and develop faster.
